When I'm Not Feeling It

There are just some days when I'm not feeling it.

Days when I don't really feel 100% about what I do and sometimes, myself. Days when the smallest things get to me. Days when the music I listen to doesn't feel the same way anymore. Days when I feel so disconnected from the people that I am close to. Days when I would say no to doing something I would normally be on board with. Days when life feels different and the lemons it gives I just let be. 

To be quite honest, I don't always have these kinds of days and the reason why I have them I do not know, but I guess sometimes you don't really have to know. Then again, that might just be me avoiding finding out what's causing this because I'm afraid of knowing. But that's besides the point. 

What I do know is that I do have these kinds of days, and sadly, I beat myself up for them because I feel like I shouldn't be having them. That these days shouldn't exist because having days when I'm not feeling it is me taking for granted what God has so graciously given to me. That having these days is disrespectful to other people and is therefore, unacceptable. That having these days is probably because I'm in sin, or that I don't trust God enough and that my faith is weak. That these days come because I focus too much on the negative things in life. That these days are exclusive to me because everyone else is pretty much okay with their lives and so there must be something different, something wrong with me.

In reality, it is completely normal to have days like these and that I am not the only one who experiences days like these. Me not feeling it isn't always the result of me paying attention to the negatives in my life. God and my relationship with Him doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me not feeling it on certain days because honestly, someone could have what is ideally the best relationship with Him and yet still have days when they really are just not feeling it ("it" isn't necessarily God or your relationship with Him). Sometimes, it's even these kinds of days that let me hear God speak louder and clearer.

Days when I'm not feeling it aren't really bad days. They're just different days. There are days when the waffles seem just a bit better than pancakes. Days when the warmth of the lazy boy feels so much more inviting than going to the mall. There are (extremely rare) days when I want to listen to Rihanna and not Beyoncé. It isn't because I've changed into an entirely different person. Maybe subconsciously, I just want to change things up a bit from time to time, and change can be good. 

So, today, I promise myself not to feel bad anymore whenever I have days when I'm not feeling it because no matter how horrible or wrong other people say it is to have them, these days do happen. They happen to me and most likely to you as well. These days are days in our lives that are there for a reason and that reason is probably not for us to feel bad them. When I still do feel bad about having days like these, I promise not to feel bad about that as well because I know that I am a work-in-progress and that there is beauty and value in progress. 

When these days come again, I'll live these days just like any other day because honestly, there really are just some days when I'm not feeling it.

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